Step One admitting I am powerless over food. Seriously!!! How did I get to this point? Why my body? Why can't I have sugar, flour, and wheat? There's nothing better than food when you are upset, happy, bored, or feeling any emotion. I have to say that I know there will a point in my life when I am thankful and happy for my recovery but right now I am mad, sad, and angry. I am currently sitting in an airport watching people eat McDonalds, snacks, and the man next to me is drinking a humongous coke ARGH!!!!! So frustrating. But, there is a part of me that is looking at this food buffet that currently surrounds me and I feel no desire to have any of it...that must be the part that God has taken control of. I plan to stay in recovery because I know I can no longer live my life like this. I can no longer take the depression and feelings of hating myself because I am not a certain weight, or because I ate something that was "bad". I want to live a life that does not consist of constant thoughts regarding food...basically my brain has been filled with food and guilt for as long as I can remember. I can remember being broken up with by people who thank God I did not end up with, who treated me like crap and thinking to myself "if only I was skinnier then it would of worked out". What a sick thought...if I was skinnier this jerk would still be with me...it was like double punishment, only I didn't see it that way. I entered the FA program because I knew I needed help. One week and one day ago I made a promise to myself to get healthy, to acknowledge I am an addict and to work on it...damn this first week has been hard! Apparently the world does not stop because you decide to enter recovery, the stress, frustrations, and even joyous moments are still there. I think it has honestly taken me the entire week to realize that I am truly powerless over foods that consist of sugar, wheat, and flour. I think part of me still wanted to believe that it was just will power, that I could loss the weight then go back to eating the additive foods and be fine, this weekend at school though it has hit me like a train....I am a food addict! My body cannot handle sugar, wheat, or flour...EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am powerless over this addiction, and it's not so much about my weight, it's about my choice to continue to put something that my body is allergic to inside of it...powerless means God will get all of the glory for this journey, addicted and allergic means I am not able to consume sugar, wheat, or flour...today or ever again. Welcome to my journey, the journey of a food addict.